Friendship

 

Girlfriends are your biggest cheerleaders.  Maybe not when you are in your 20’s, when you may be more competitive or where it may seem that some will stab you in the back or you see them nasty to other friends, but when we get older.  We all travel on the same treadmill and have similar issues and problems.  Its nice to know people support you no matter what the issue is.   As we age, for me personally, you sort your friendships out into categories (I’m a big pie chart kinda gal)….all based on maintenance…High, Medium and Low. You will recognize the High Maintenance; talk about themselves mostly, always has drama or some truly non-existent crisis (their hair stylist is moving to New York now they need to find someone new – how will I ever survive- lets discuss for 20 min.). The worst trait of our High maintenance friend is if at the last-minute you have to cancel meeting up, they will be pissed at you…no matter what the reason. Because in some way you have offended them and they make it all about themselves. When you leave after meeting this person you are EXHAUSTED mentally.   The Medium Maintenance has all the above only less intense. Medium also doesn’t talk incessantly about them self but sugar coats their life where you want to barf , because you see their life and you KNOW it’s not this glorious.  I would classify this friend as not being authentic or genuine….even when you pour your guts out about the messes in your life…..theirs is still candy coated with puppies and rainbows.  You want to hit them because they need to take the rose colored glasses off as you can see right through them, they are only fooling themselves.     Low Maintenance friend you can talk with for hours.  Not speak to for a year but once you talk its like you just saw them yesterday…nothing awkward or resentful for the lapse of contact, because really…..everyone is busy and fighting their own battles that have nothing to do with the friendship.  You can cancel 30 minutes before meeting for dinner and its OK, or better yet you can say “Im just really tired can we do it another night”  and they will say “sure , I get it, no problem”.  AND THEY MEAN IT.  This friend isn’t afraid to say to you that they disagree with you and here is why, and this makes the friendship stronger as there is no resentment just growth.   SO, as we age you realize who needs to stay and which friends you pull away from and all you are left with are Low Maintenance friends…..and if you are lucky like me…you have many like this.  My step mother ,Verena, once told Morgan and myself…..”sometimes, like cards, you just need to put some people in your life in the discard pile”.  Friendships do go to the discard pile sometimes.  Maybe the friendship ran its course or helped you when you needed it to , but due to circumstances just has a hard time fitting in your life now.     People in my life fit on a pie chart…..everyone takes up a wedge.  Some have bigger wedges but all are needed.  Some friends are wild, some calm or motherly or wise or funny.  I need them all to make me balanced and whole.  I feel bad for  a lot of men as they don’t nurture their friendships….and want their wife to fill the entire pie chart…  leaving them eating cherry pie their whole life  (ok that was inappropriate but you see what I meant)….I love a good analogy.   My point is filling your life with just one person leaves you very closed off/ homogenized and sterile.  There will be no personal growth.  It really does take a village to give you different experiences and perspectives so you can grow, think and form your own personal perspective on life.    So thank you to all my friends.  You are all needed and loved for who you are and what you bring to my life and this world!!!

 

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6 thoughts on “Friendship

  1. So, how did I not read this post before…maybe, I was the high maintenance friend that you took off the mailing list but now added me back on? Couldn’t be that I just ignored it the first time😜 I really first thought that I might the medium maintenance since we send the annual letter how perfect our family is…but then I remembered that you are one of the special few that I share the actuality of my life. Hopefully I am a low maintenance keeper? Love reading this & lots of luv during what I am sure is a very difficult time even thou you have a remarkable way of making light of it…❤️

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